Prison's Latest Inmate: "The Claw," A Whiskery Felon Busted for Dealing in Crack and Weed
By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 7 hours ago
Just when you thought the phrase "behind bars" couldn't get any more literal, some wise guy cat, or should we say, "The Claw," decided to turn the entire prison system on its ear, or in this case, tail. Picture it: a cozy jailhouse, cells filled with regret, the smell of despair, and now the faint scent of marijuana and cocaine, courtesy of a feline smuggler.
A guard, probably as bored as the day is long, spotted something odd while patrolling the perimeter. A cat, not just any cat, but one with a suspiciously bulky midsection, sauntered by as if it owned the place. Instead of the usual contraband of shivs or a pilfered donut, this moggy had decided to bring in the hard stuff. Narcotics wrapped around its belly like a reverse kangaroo pouch.
And so "The Claw," an overconfident tabby, was marched to kitty court for his crimes against incarceration integrity. But let's face it, folks, who'd expect a cat to smuggle drugs into prison? It's not like security's on high alert for a furry dealer. The real question here isn't "how did it get in?" but "how was this not the plot of an '80s buddy cop movie?" The prison system, already laughing stock for its "security," now has to contend with feline felons. Next up, we'll probably see a breakout using nothing but a litter box and pure sass. If there's any silver lining, it's that prison reform has hit rock bottom, or in this case, a litter box.
