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King Charles' Canadian Charm Offensive: A Royal Mess or Monarchical Misstep?

King Charles' Canadian Charm Offensive: A Royal Mess or Monarchical Misstep?

Ah, the King of England, King Charles, has graced Canada with his presence, presumably to mend inter...

By Vixen Vile, Published 39 minutes ago | Politics
President Trumpling Decides National Security is Overrated, Shrinks NSC to Size of His Attention Span

President Trumpling Decides National Security is Overrated, Shrinks NSC to Size of His Attention Span

Isn't it just delightful when our fearless leader decides that pesky little things like national sec...

By Vixen Vile, Published 2 hours ago | Politics
Trump's Latest Tariff Tantrum: EU and Smartphones Next in His Crosshairs!

Trump's Latest Tariff Tantrum: EU and Smartphones Next in His Crosshairs!

The Donald's latest tantrum on Twitter? A 50% tariff on EU imports because, apparently, he's not jus...

By Vixen Vile, Published 8 hours ago | Politics

Latest News

World

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By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 4 hours ago | World
Hamburg's Finest Serve Up Slices of Chaos at Train Station

Hamburg's Finest Serve Up Slices of Chaos at Train Station

Hamburg's Central Station, the culinary capital of Europe's latest dish, dished out a fresh batch of...

By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 6 hours ago | World
Talent Agent Nosedives into San Diego: Residents Now Uninsured Celebrities

Talent Agent Nosedives into San Diego: Residents Now Uninsured Celebrities

In the latest episode of "Who Wants to Crash Their Private Jet into Suburbia," a talent agent with m...

By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 22 hours ago | World

Politics

King Charles' Canadian Charm Offensive: A Royal Mess or Monarchical Misstep?

King Charles' Canadian Charm Offensive: A Royal Mess or Monarchical Misstep?

Ah, the King of England, King Charles, has graced Canada with his presence, presumably to mend inter...

By Vixen Vile, Published 39 minutes ago | Politics
President Trumpling Decides National Security is Overrated, Shrinks NSC to Size of His Attention Span

President Trumpling Decides National Security is Overrated, Shrinks NSC to Size of His Attention Span

Isn't it just delightful when our fearless leader decides that pesky little things like national sec...

By Vixen Vile, Published 2 hours ago | Politics
Trump's Latest Tariff Tantrum: EU and Smartphones Next in His Crosshairs!

Trump's Latest Tariff Tantrum: EU and Smartphones Next in His Crosshairs!

The Donald's latest tantrum on Twitter? A 50% tariff on EU imports because, apparently, he's not jus...

By Vixen Vile, Published 8 hours ago | Politics
Trump's DOGE Cuts to Federal Workers Slapped Down by Judge - Like a Game of Fetch Gone Wrong

Trump's DOGE Cuts to Federal Workers Slapped Down by Judge - Like a Game of Fetch Gone Wrong

In what can only be described as a cosmic misadventure, the Trump administration's latest attempt to...

By Vixen Vile, Published 10 hours ago | Politics

Business

Uncle Sam Plays Russian Roulette with National Debt Ceiling

Uncle Sam Plays Russian Roulette with National Debt Ceiling

The great American debt machine, that colossal car crash of fiscal responsibility, is at it again, f...

By Rex 'The Wrecker' Malone, Published 1 day ago | Business
Oil Prices Spike as Israel Considers Nuking Iran's Nuclear Plant for Fun

Oil Prices Spike as Israel Considers Nuking Iran's Nuclear Plant for Fun

Well, well, well, if it ain't another day in the circus we call the stock market. Today, oil prices ...

By Rex 'The Wrecker' Malone, Published 2 days ago | Business
UK Inflation Skyrockets: Your Wallet's New Gym Membership!

UK Inflation Skyrockets: Your Wallet's New Gym Membership!

Listen up, you financial masochists! The UK's inflation rate is having a growth spurt like a teenage...

By Rex 'The Wrecker' Malone, Published 2 days ago | Business
Toyota's RAV4 Goes All-In on Hybrid Hype: Gas Pumps Weep

Toyota's RAV4 Goes All-In on Hybrid Hype: Gas Pumps Weep

Listen up, gearheads and tree-huggers alike, Toyota's decided to kick gas to the curb, making the 20...

By Rex 'The Wrecker' Malone, Published 3 days ago | Business

Technology

Fortnite Returns to US iPhones! Big Whoop, Break Out the Party Poppers!

Fortnite Returns to US iPhones! Big Whoop, Break Out the Party Poppers!

Here comes the digital circus back into town, folks. Fortnite's grand return to iOS devices in the U...

By Gizmo Gizzard, Published 3 days ago | Technology
iPhone 17 Rumors: Battery Life So Bad, It's a Self-Inflicted Power Outage

iPhone 17 Rumors: Battery Life So Bad, It's a Self-Inflicted Power Outage

Alright, tech junkies, gather 'round your half-charged relics because the iPhone 17 is here to save ...

By Gizmo Gizzard, Published 3 days ago | Technology
TeleMessage App Implodes After Hacking Scandal Rocks Trump's Chats

TeleMessage App Implodes After Hacking Scandal Rocks Trump's Chats

Here we go again, folks! Another day, another tech debacle, but this time, it's a real doozy involvi...

By Gizmo Gizzard, Published Published 2025-05-05 | Technology
Skype shuts down on May 5: Turns out "Sky" was a misprint for "Spy" and "pe" was their attempt at phonetic encryption!

Skype shuts down on May 5: Turns out "Sky" was a misprint for "Spy" and "pe" was their attempt at phonetic encryption!

For the uninitiated, Skype has been loitering in our digital ecosystem like a half-digested meal, a ...

By Gizmo Gizzard, Published Published 2025-05-05 | Technology

Entertainment

Disney Declares 'The View' Hosts Must Cease and Desist from Trashing Trump

Disney Declares 'The View' Hosts Must Cease and Desist from Trashing Trump

Egads, one might imagine 'The View' hosts as the intellectual titans of our time, crafting thoughtfu...

By Poppy Posh, Published 1 day ago | Entertainment
Showrunner's 'Noble' Demise: A Televised Masterpiece of Misery or Just A Ratings Grab?

Showrunner's 'Noble' Demise: A Televised Masterpiece of Misery or Just A Ratings Grab?

The Handmaid's Tale, a show so bleak it makes watching paint dry seem like a frolic in the park, has...

By Poppy Posh, Published 3 days ago | Entertainment
Netflix and PBS to the Rescue: ‘Sesame Street' Now Streaming in Glorious Mediocrity

Netflix and PBS to the Rescue: ‘Sesame Street' Now Streaming in Glorious Mediocrity

The financial wizardry of Sesame Workshop must have hit rock bottom when they decided to sign on wit...

By Poppy Posh, Published 4 days ago | Entertainment
Austria's JJ Wins Eurovision with "Wasted Love"? Let's Hope It's Not a Prophecy for Europe's Future

Austria's JJ Wins Eurovision with "Wasted Love"? Let's Hope It's Not a Prophecy for Europe's Future

Ah, the Eurovision Song Contest, that annual spectacle where nations showcase their ability to disap...

By Poppy Posh, Published 6 days ago | Entertainment

Sports

Oh Look, Here Comes the NBA MVP Shortlist for Yanks!

Oh Look, Here Comes the NBA MVP Shortlist for Yanks!

Holy halftime highlights, folks! The Daily Jab has graciously decided to predict the next American-b...

By Blitz Baxter, Published 20 hours ago | Sports
Knicks vs. Pacers: A Playoff Series So Exciting, You'll Need a Defibrillator Just to Watch It

Knicks vs. Pacers: A Playoff Series So Exciting, You'll Need a Defibrillator Just to Watch It

Get ready, folks! It's time to dust off your lucky jerseys and your even luckier beer helmets becaus...

By Blitz Baxter, Published 1 day ago | Sports
Scheffler's Humblebrag: "I'm Just a Normal Dad, Y'all!"

Scheffler's Humblebrag: "I'm Just a Normal Dad, Y'all!"

Listen up, sports fans, because we've got a real piece of work on our hands with Scottie Scheffler. ...

By Blitz Baxter, Published 4 days ago | Sports
WNBA Probes Fan Chant: "Reese, You're As Racist As My Aunt's Thanksgiving Turkey!"

WNBA Probes Fan Chant: "Reese, You're As Racist As My Aunt's Thanksgiving Turkey!"

Oh, the WNBA's got their hands full, folks! Apparently, some fans took a break from discussing wheth...

By Blitz Baxter, Published 5 days ago | Sports

Science

Perseverance Rover Strikes Selfie Pose, Ignores Martian Dust Devil Like A True Self-Absorbed Scientist

Perseverance Rover Strikes Selfie Pose, Ignores Martian Dust Devil Like A True Self-Absorbed Scientist

Perseverance, NASA's latest vanity project, has captured a selfie that's not just a testament to hum...

By Sage Snipe, Published 2 days ago | Science
Harvard's Brightest Mind Faces Toad Tribunal: Jailed for Jumping to Conclusions

Harvard's Brightest Mind Faces Toad Tribunal: Jailed for Jumping to Conclusions

The illustrious halls of Harvard, a citadel of higher learning, have been scandalized once again. On...

By Sage Snipe, Published Published 2025-05-15 | Science
Soviet Scrap Heap: Cosmos 482 Prepares for Earthly Encore

Soviet Scrap Heap: Cosmos 482 Prepares for Earthly Encore

Ah, brace yourselves, earthlings, for the grand return of Cosmos 482, a Soviet relic not quite ready...

By Sage Snipe, Published Published 2025-05-06 | Science
Yellowstone Supervolcano: "Not Erupting Anytime Soon," Scientists Announce With a Yawn

Yellowstone Supervolcano: "Not Erupting Anytime Soon," Scientists Announce With a Yawn

Oh, what a relief, dear readers. Just when we were all set to live out our very own apocalyptic bloc...

By Sage Snipe, Published Published 2025-04-28 | Science

Health

FDA Declares Kids and Healthy Adults are Too Boring for Fall Covid Vaccine Jamboree

FDA Declares Kids and Healthy Adults are Too Boring for Fall Covid Vaccine Jamboree

By Dr. Quack Quirke The FDA has apparently decided that the most vulnerable of us, namely the healt...

By Dr. Quack Quirke, Published 3 days ago | Health
Ignore That Slight Cough: It's Just Your Body Preparing For Its Own Funeral!

Ignore That Slight Cough: It's Just Your Body Preparing For Its Own Funeral!

Tired of those pesky little health niggles? Well, guess what? Your body's just throwing a going-away...

By Dr. Quack Quirke, Published 5 days ago | Health
In a Shocking Twist, CVS Plays Pharmacist Matchmaker

In a Shocking Twist, CVS Plays Pharmacist Matchmaker

Ah-ha! Breaking news from the mad labs of healthcare: CVS Caremark has decided to play Cupid with ou...

By Dr. Quack Quirke, Published Published 2025-05-12 | Health
Jab Your Fat Away for a Slim Soul, Swiss Scientists Say

Jab Your Fat Away for a Slim Soul, Swiss Scientists Say

Ah, rejoice, my portly pals, for a new Swiss study has declared that a jab to the gut could be the k...

By Dr. Quack Quirke, Published Published 2025-05-11 | Health

Environment

Midwest Cities Take a Spin on the Eco-Failure Merry-Go-Round

Midwest Cities Take a Spin on the Eco-Failure Merry-Go-Round

Ah, the heartland, where wheat fields once swayed and cows mooed in pastoral harmony, now plays host...

By Sage Snipe, Published 3 days ago | Environment
Tornado Tantrum: Nature's Rage or Just Another Temper Tantrum?

Tornado Tantrum: Nature's Rage or Just Another Temper Tantrum?

In the grand theatre of human follies, where we've turned the Earth into our personal playground, th...

By Sage Snipe, Published 6 days ago | Environment
Nature's Spring Spectacular: Tornadoes, Floods, and Human Folly!

Nature's Spring Spectacular: Tornadoes, Floods, and Human Folly!

The Earth, in its infinite jest, has decided it's time for a spring cleaning of epic proportions. Th...

By Sage Snipe, Published 7 days ago | Environment
Justice Served Cold: Two Arbori-criminals Caught in the Act of Tree-Slaughter

Justice Served Cold: Two Arbori-criminals Caught in the Act of Tree-Slaughter

In a world where heroes are needed to save the environment, two men have emerged as the most unlikel...

By Sage Snipe, Published Published 2025-05-09 | Environment

Culture

"MrBeast's Mayan Misadventure: Turning Sacred Sites into Selfie Central"

"MrBeast's Mayan Misadventure: Turning Sacred Sites into Selfie Central"

One does not simply waltz into the world of ancient history without a touch of class, or so one woul...

By Poppy Posh, Published 7 days ago | Culture
Harvard Law Overpays for Scribble, Turns Out to be Medieval Masterpiece

Harvard Law Overpays for Scribble, Turns Out to be Medieval Masterpiece

In a twist that rivals the plot of a poorly conceived romantic comedy, Harvard Law School has embarr...

By Poppy Posh, Published Published 2025-05-15 | Culture
"Pope's Chicago Youth: A Tale of Tragedy and Triumph (Mostly Tragedy)"

"Pope's Chicago Youth: A Tale of Tragedy and Triumph (Mostly Tragedy)"

Ah, how the mighty have fallen, or in this case, how the childhood neighborhoods of the mighty have ...

By Poppy Posh, Published Published 2025-05-10 | Culture
Peru Proclaims Pope Leo XIV as National Treasure, Next to Ceviche and Machu Picchu

Peru Proclaims Pope Leo XIV as National Treasure, Next to Ceviche and Machu Picchu

In a move that would make even the Inca gods raise their eyebrows, Peru has anointed Pope Leo XIV, o...

By Poppy Posh, Published Published 2025-05-09 | Culture