Another Glorious Memorial Day: Gunfire Serenades the Shores of South Carolina
By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 1 day ago
In a world where every holiday needs its own special brand of mayhem, Memorial Day in South Carolina did not disappoint. What's a remembrance of fallen soldiers without the pop-pop-pop of automatic gunfire to set the mood? This year's beachside massacre not only honored those who sacrificed but also added a few more candidates for next year's tribute.
The local authorities, ever so keen on details, have not disclosed a thing about suspects or motives. Maybe the shooter was just trying to get a head start on the fireworks show, or perhaps they were practicing for the annual duck hunt. Whatever the reason, it's clear that in South Carolina, the only thing more plentiful than the sunbathers are the bullets flying through the air.
And what's a better way to commemorate peace than with a good old-fashioned mass shooting? The irony is so thick you could cut it with a bullet, which is, coincidentally, exactly what the shooter was doing. It's like they said, "Why should the Middle East have all the fun? Let's bring the action to Myrtle Beach!"
All in all, the South Carolina seaside has redefined "making a splash" this Memorial Day. If you were looking for a reason not to visit, here it is, served up with a side of lead. Remember folks, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, or at least, duck when the shooting starts.
