Runaway Convict Returns to Prison; Claims "I Missed the Free Meals"
By Vixen Vile, Published 1 day ago
In a shocking turn of events, Louisiana's finest have once again proven they're just as inept at keeping inmates out as they are at keeping them in. Lenton Vanburen, after a daring escape, was nabbed back into the loving arms of incarceration. His explanation? He missed the gourmet meals.
The Baton Rouge community must feel oh-so-secure knowing that their local law enforcement could only muster enough manpower to bring back a man who likely missed his conjugal visits more than he did his freedom. The police, with their shiny badges and bulging wallets from public funds, couldn't even give Vanburen a decent chase.
Sources inside the Louisiana state penitentiary whisper that the warden is considering giving Vanburen the key to the city for such a gallant display of recidivism. Perhaps, they'll even throw in a coupon for one free escape next year. All in jest, of course, until the next jailbreak provides a different punchline to this ongoing comedy of errors.
