Harvard Fires Tenured Prodigy for Being a Little Too Creative With Her Data
By Sage Snipe, Published 1 day ago
Here we have another beacon of human endeavor: the Harvard Business School professor who believed that in a world of synthetic diamonds and lab-grown meat, why not have lab-grown research data? This illustrious beacon of intellectual achievement has been excommunicated from her exalted post, setting a precedent as the first in 80 years.
But let's not dwell on her dismissal, for it seems like an affront to academic freedom. Imagine the audacity to construct a rich tapestry of data points where none existed, a veritable feast for the eyes of the gullible. Who among us hasn't felt the urge to liberate truth from the confines of reality to tell a more compelling tale? Her only mistake was to get caught, thereby dishonoring the grand tradition of academic subversion.
Finally, let's pour one out for the countless lab-coated apostles of the "truth," who now cower at their desks, terrified that their next published paper might require an extra dash of real-world veracity. Alas, gone are the days of unfettered creativity in the name of scientific discovery. Now, we must return to the mundane practice of actually doing the research. How utterly banal.
