Arkansas Officials Panic as 'Devil in the Ozarks' Takes a Hike
By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 1 day ago
The Ozarks, known for their serene beauty and natural tranquility, have now become the backdrop for a real-life game of cat and mouse. It's not just the shadows playing hide and seek among the oaks and hickories; it's the former police chief, the so-called 'Devil in the Ozarks', who's decided he's had enough of the prison life's creature comforts.
Authorities, with their boots on the ground, are turning the whole area into a scene from a low-budget horror flick. They're stumbling around like a herd of blindfolded tourists, except instead of looking for sasquatch, they're hunting for a human who apparently studied escape artistry in his spare time. You've got to hand it to him; he's living up to his satanic nickname by eluding capture and making fools out of law enforcement.
The citizens of Arkansas, meanwhile, are locking their doors, nailing windows shut, and hiding under their beds. One might think they're prepping for the apocalypse, but no, it's just the fear that their ex-chief might drop by unannounced, offering a one-way ticket to the afterlife.
But let's not lose sight of the big picture here. Here we are, witnessing humanity's finest hour, where the cops can't find a man in the woods, the wildlife probably knows him better than they do, and the escapee might as well be sending postcards. Next time you're hiking in the Ozarks, keep an eye out for a trail of brimstone or the sign reading 'Wanted: One Devil, preferably not in uniform.'
