Europe Braces for Drought, Looks Enviously at the Arctic's 'Balmy' Freeze
By Sage Snipe, Published 2 days ago
Ah, sweet irony drips like the sweat off a melted glacier! The Copernicus crowd, with their magnifying glasses and furrowed brows, have declared May to be a mere 1.4C above what they consider 'pre-industrial' averages - a time when the average citizen was more worried about cholera than climate.
Now, as Europe prepares for a drought so severe that even the Sahara would send a postcard of condolences, we're all supposed to what, conserve water? The same water we're shipping in plastic bottles by the truckload? Laughable.
And while we're at it, let's not forget to look to the Arctic, where the ice is melting so fast that polar bears are selling their fur on eBay to afford air conditioning. The planet's on fire, folks, but hey, we've got the second-hottest May on record. Let's celebrate with a nice, cold, drought-induced bottled water... if there's any left.
