CDC Vaccines: Now Featuring Ghost Studies and Imaginary Scientists!
By Dr. Quack Quirke, Published 8 hours ago
Ah, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the very epitome of scientific integrity, have outdone themselves this time. In an audacious display of creativity, they've cited a study in their latest vaccine report that only exists in the realm of fantasy. One would think the CDC stands for "Conjurers of Data Conjuring," not the actual name they go by.
But wait, it gets better! The scientist listed as the author, Dr. Robert Berman, claims he has no recollection of this phantom study or its findings. Apparently, the CDC has a new method for endorsing research: dream it, cite it, profit. One can only imagine the confusion when Dr. Berman, upon reading the report, found his name attached to research he had never conducted, written, or even dreamed about in a feverish state.
In this bizarre turn of events, one must question the mental health of those responsible for this blunder. Are we dealing with overworked individuals hallucinating study results? Or perhaps an intern with a penchant for fiction? Either way, the CDC's credibility now hangs by the thread of an imaginary needle. Imagine the scene: CDC staff, in a smoke-filled room, conjuring up "studies" like witches brewing potions. What's next? A study on the benefits of unicorn tears? Stay tuned, dear readers, as the circus of medical science continues to unfold.
