Uncle Sam Turns Iran into Swiss Cheese: Nuclear Sites Now More Hole-y Than The Pope's Socks
By Vixen Vile, Published 3 hours ago
Ah, what a glorious day for democracy, folks! Uncle Sam, in a stroke of sheer genius or perhaps sheer boredom, decided to play a game of 'Pin the Tail on the Mullah' and turned Iran's nuclear sites into something resembling a colander. The Fordow Fuel Enrichment Plant now boasts more holes than a moth-eaten sweater at a flea market.
Let's take a moment to appreciate the artistry here. Not since the Swiss got into the cheese business has a nation been so perforated. One can only imagine the conversation in the White House: "Hey, let's poke a few holes in Iran's nukes, maybe they'll leak less radiation!" Bravo, America, for turning nuclear diplomacy into an extreme sport.
But let's not forget the environmental impact. Those pesky drones must have left quite the carbon footprint, not to mention the radioactive dust now sprinkling Tehran like nuclear confetti. Mother Nature's weeping, but hey, who needs clean air when you can have clean, un-radiated skies? It's the new American Dream, I tell you.
And to think, all this could have been avoided if we had just sent them a strongly worded email. But where's the fun in that? No, we needed fireworks, a show of force to make the world forget about our own internal combustions. Bravo, Uncle Sam, for making Iran's nuclear program look like a block of Swiss cheese at a summer picnic.
