Arnold Schwarzenegger's Family Freeze-Dries His Illegitimate Son Joseph Baena
By Poppy Posh, Published 1 day ago
What a shock to the system for poor Joseph Baena! It appears that in the grand premiere of Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest televisual tripe, 'Fubar,' the family has chosen to embrace the art of family portraiture sans one crucial limb. Joseph, Arnold's flesh and blood by way of a less celebrated marital detour, was not merely overlooked; he was seemingly purged from the familial tapestry with the precision of a well-trained sniper.
Oh, what a spectacle it must have been at the premiere! Imagine, if you will, the Schwarznenegger clan, dazzling in their designer finery, posing with all the poise of aristocrats, while Joseph was relegated to the shadows, perhaps only allowed to observe from behind a fern or some other trivial shrubbery. The injustice! Here was a son, born from the union of a governor and his paramour, treated with less warmth than the ice in their oversized cocktail glasses.
It seems like Arnold, ever the embodiment of magnanimity, has decided to play a game of familial musical chairs where Joseph invariably finds himself without a seat. Yet, one must applaud the consistency with which the Schwarznenegger family handles such affairs - with all the grace and warmth of a frozen tundra. Joseph, dear boy, take heart! Perhaps next time they'll remember to include you in the photo, or at least invite you to the after-party for a chance to chill with the family, quite literally.
