Infrared Zap: Doctors Claim Tumors Can Be Obliterated Like Bugs Under a Microscope
By Dr. Quack Quirke, Published 1 day ago
Listen up, my mad minions! The scientific community, in their infinite wisdom, has just declared that they can make cancer tumors vanish faster than a magician's rabbit in a hat. They're using infrared light, like the kind you'd find in a heated blanket for a lizard.
Now, let's delve into the nitty-gritty of this so-called breakthrough. Instead of chemo, which turns patients into walking skeletons, or radiotherapy, which might as well be medieval torture, they're opting for a light show. But here's the kicker: it's as precise as a toddler with a laser pointer at a cat convention.
Imagine this: you walk into the doctor's office, and instead of needles and drugs, you're handed a remote control. You aim it at your tumor, press a button, and poof! It's gone. If only they could make the common cold disappear with a clicker too, we'd all be living in a sci-fi utopia where even our sniffles are science fiction.
But remember, my dear readers, while this sounds like a miracle cure, let's not forget the medical community also once thought leeches were the pinnacle of modern medicine. So, while we celebrate this "breakthrough," let's keep our laughter on hold until it proves more effective than a placebo. Ah, science, you whimsical beast!
