President Trump Plans to Use Trade Wars to Pay for His Wall
By Vixen Vile, Published 1 day ago
Oh joy, the Orange Man cometh with another master plan to drain the swamp and line his pockets with steel! President Trump, in a move that would make even the most seasoned villain applaud, has decided to double tariffs on foreign steel and aluminum. Yes, because nothing says "America First" like making the cost of your own infrastructure projects skyrocket.
In a speech that echoed through the rusting beams of a Pittsburgh steel factory, Trump vowed to use these new tariffs to fund his grandiose border wall. Because, naturally, when you think of efficient border security, your mind instantly jumps to the price of steel. And let's not forget the economic wizardry involved here: tariffs, not taxes, will pay for it, he says. Because when has trickle-down economics ever not worked out splendidly for the common folk?
But wait, there's more! Not only will this boost the steel industry (read: boost the pockets of a select few), but it'll also start a global trade war, the likes of which we've never seen. Because nothing says prosperity like alienating your trade partners. The world watches in stunned silence as the U.S. economy prepares to don its Kevlar vest and brace for impact. Here's to hoping the wall doesn't collapse under the weight of its own hypocrisy.
