Boulder Blunder: Illegal Immigrant Strikes Again, This Time with Pavement
By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 2 days ago
Just when you thought the world couldn't get any more bonkers, some chucklehead decides to turn a pleasant stroll on Boulder's pedestrian mall into a scene straight out of a dystopian novel. But this isn't your run-of-the-mill, homegrown nutjob; oh no, this one's imported.
You'd think with all the tech and surveillance, we'd catch these jokers before they decide to use the sidewalk as their personal battleground. But nope, security's about as useful as a chocolate teapot, and here we are, with an undocumented individual showing more initiative than the entire Department of Homeland Security.
Talk about a security breach; this isn't just a crack in the system, it's a gaping chasm. This fella breezed through our defenses like they were nothing but Swiss cheese, only to leave us all with a headache and a lesson in border control.
Now we've got the feds scrambling, playing catch-up, and you can bet your last dollar they're polishing up their excuses. Meanwhile, Boulder's residents get to live with the aftermath of a boulder, literally and figuratively. So, here's to hoping next time we import some talent with better intentions or at least a less destructive hobby.
