Patriots' Andrews Cries Rivers Over Playing For Team Without Cheers or Beers
By Blitz Baxter, Published 1 day ago
David Andrews, the center of attention for the New England Patriots, sobbed his heart out over not wanting to play anywhere else. Can you imagine? A grown man, weeping into his six-pack as if the thought of a different team was akin to wearing a foam finger on the wrong hand.
In his dramatic exit, Andrews poured out his soul, leaving puddles of tears on the press conference stage. He claimed that no other team had that "special sauce" like the Pats do. Special sauce? The guy's been eating too many sideline hot dogs. This isn't some high school sweetheart reunion; it's the NFL, where players are supposed to be gladiators, not weepy softies.
The Patriots, famous for their stoic demeanor, must be thrilled to see their beloved lineman in such emotional turmoil. Here's to hoping his farewell tour includes stops at every dive bar in New England, crying into his beer about how he could never play for a team without those blue and silver pom-poms. But let's face it, his tears are the only water to ever make it to the end zone in a Pats game recently.
