"Reality TV Dumps 'Love Island' Season 7 on Us, As If We Asked"
By Poppy Posh, Published 2 days ago
Oh, what a wondrous day it is, dear readers, when the gods of entertainment bestow upon us yet another season of Love Island USA. Yes, the pageant of polyester-clad singles parading their emotional unavailability has once again graced our screens. One can only assume the producers are mistaking our collective groan for applause.
Ah, the intellectual pursuit of watching these paragons of shallowness hunt for love (or more likely, Instagram followers) in a villa where the only thing that seems to grow is the count of broken hearts. Surely, the world has been eagerly awaiting this spectacle, akin to watching paint dry, but with more tanned flesh and less tasteful decor.
But fret not, for those who missed out on the previous seasons' offerings of vacuous banter and hormone-driven drama, a schedule has been provided. Because nothing says 'I'm cultured' quite like knowing when to tune in for another episode of high-definition heartbreak. Indeed, the release schedule is as eagerly anticipated as one might anticipate the arrival of an unwanted guest at a dinner party.
So, pop the champagne, or rather, crack open the cheapest sparkling wine you can find, because Love Island USA Season 7 is upon us, and we, the viewers, are to be treated to the equivalent of a visual lobotomy. Truly, the cultural landscape has never been so vibrant.
