Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin's Eternal Flame Snuffed Out, Or So They Claim
By Poppy Posh, Published 1 day ago
Darling society, brace yourselves for yet another tragic tale of star-crossed lovers parting ways: Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin have reportedly snipped their thread of romance for the umpteenth time. This pair of social butterflies, once inseparable, now flutter apart, but fear not, for this narrative is as predictable as afternoon tea at the Ritz.
It appears that their relationship was akin to a soufflé - looks impressive, tastes delightful, but given a little time and the slightest provocation, it collapses in on itself. Sources claim "it feels final this time," but does anyone truly believe that? Their love was a house of cards, which even a whisper could topple.
Chris Martin, known to serenade his yoga mats more than his partners lately, and Dakota, whose most strenuous activity seems to be perfecting her puzzled-puppy look in public, have left us with more questions than answers. What shall we do without our favorite celebrity carousel of reconciliation and breakups? Only time will tell, but I suspect we'll have the sequel before the next season's couture hits the runway.
