Bateman's New Deal Proves the Ravens' Bankers Are the Real Superheroes
By Blitz Baxter, Published 1 day ago
Ravens' front office just pulled off the heist of the century, folks. Rashod Bateman, the guy who had more drops than my uncle after his fifth beer, is now a multimillionaire.
Thirty-six million? For a guy who catches passes like he's afraid of them? I've seen pigeons with better hands. But hey, maybe the Ravens are onto something, because clearly, their financial advisors are the real MVPs.
Now, I'm not saying the kid doesn't have potential. But if you're giving $20 million guaranteed to someone who's still learning how to hold onto a football, you better hope he also moonlights as a juggler.
All I'm saying is, if Bateman makes a fortune off this, I'm starting a petition to make every dropped pass a touchdown for the other team. Just to keep things interesting.
