Trump: "Assassination? No, I'm Saving My Political Capital for Twitter Feuds"
By Vixen Vile, Published 8 hours ago
Blink, and you might miss the latest geopolitical chess move, where instead of checkmating Iran's Supreme Leader, Trump opts for a Twitter storm. Word on the street is that Bibi Netanyahu's plan to make Ayatollah Ali Khamenei bite the dust was too sophisticated for our Commander-in-Tweets.
In a world where subtlety is king, Trump, in his infinite wisdom, decided that his precious political capital was better spent tweeting about low-flush toilets and windmill cancer. Because nothing says "I've got this under control" like turning down a chance to play global puppeteer in favor of domestic Twitter beef.
Here we are, with the might of the American military at our fingertips, and Trump's like, "Nah, I'll pass on the cloak-and-dagger stuff, I'm saving my ammo for the next fake news outlet that crosses me." It's a shame really, because somewhere in Tel Aviv, there's a Mossad agent penning his resignation letter, lamenting the missed opportunity for a dramatic assassination that would've put his agency on the map.
And let's not forget the irony of it all. Trump, the man who once bragged about knowing more than the generals, now chooses to sit this one out. It's almost as if he's saying, "Why play God when you can just play golf?" So, here's to Trump, the deal-maker, the peace-broker, and apparently, the supreme leader of the global chicken wing.
