Governors Scramble to Defend Against Phantom Iranian Menace
By Vixen Vile, Published 6 hours ago
What a spectacle it must have been as our brave governors huddled around their Zoom screens, quaking in their boots at the mere whisper of an Iranian strike. One can almost picture them, clutching their security blankets tighter, as if the very pixels on their screens might explode. The urgency to summon the FBI and DHS, all for a call that amounted to nothing more than a verbal pat on the head, truly showcases the gravity of our current national leadership.
Imagine, if you will, the scene: Governors across the U.S., from the sunny beaches of California to the frosty peaks of Maine, all joining hands in a virtual séance of panic. They listened intently as the FBI and DHS provided a masterclass in the art of stating the obvious. "Be vigilant," they said, as if our governors were previously strolling through their state capitals in blindfolds, oblivious to potential dangers.
And let's not overlook the drama of it all. State and local law enforcement officials must have felt like extras in a high-budget spy film, only to find out their role was to nod and agree with the federal agencies. The sheer waste of time and resources could've been better spent, perhaps on actual security measures, but then again, who needs real security when you've got a perfectly good Zoom call? Here's to our leaders, bravely defending us from threats by watching the clock run down on a virtual conference.
