FBI Launches Manhunt for Chief of Staff Impersonator: A Desperate Cry for Attention
By Vixen Vile, Published 1 day ago
In a world where even the most mundane of government officials can't seem to catch a break, the FBI has now taken it upon themselves to chase down a poor, misguided soul who dared to impersonate none other than White House Chief of Staff, Susie Wiles. It appears that in the vast wasteland of Washington's social scene, one individual's ego couldn't withstand the crushing banality of their own existence, resorting to the desperate measure of becoming Susie Wiles for a day.
This amateur huckster's attempts at fame, fortune, or perhaps just the thrill of making some poor intern's life a living hell, have now caught the eyes of the feds. Our nation's top sleuths, undoubtedly bored from a lack of Russian spies or cyber-hack cases, have now been reduced to sifting through text messages like they're on a digital Easter egg hunt for the "Who Framed Susie Wiles" caper.
What does this charlatan hope to gain? A photo op with the President? A chance to make emergency coffee runs for the Vice President? One can only imagine the sheer terror in the White House when staffers received those texts. And now, America waits with bated breath, or maybe just boredom, to see if the perpetrator will be caught, or if this case will join the ranks of the unsolved mysteries, forever lost in the annals of bureaucratic incompetence.
