Mayor Unveils $105 Million Reparations: Because Money Solves Everything, Apparently
By Vixen Vile, Published 1 day ago
In a move that's got the whole town of Tulsa abuzz, Mayor Bumbling Blunder has just unveiled a $105 million reparations package for the Tulsa Race Massacre. Apparently, the mayor believes that throwing cash at the problem will magically erase the horrors of 1921. Because, you know, who needs justice when you can have a scholarship fund?
The plan aims to raise private funds for housing assistance, scholarships, and economic development. I'm sure that'll go smoothly. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with a city known for its stellar economic management? This is the same city that once thought "River City" was an acceptable rebranding. Now they're trying to buy their way out of history.
And let's not forget, this isn't just any old reparations package. This is a Bumbling Blunder special. Expect at least half of that money to disappear into administrative fees, overpriced consultants, and a fancy new office for the mayor to not work in. But hey, at least the descendants of the massacre victims can feel the warmth of their reparations through the comfort of a brand-new community center, right? As long as they don't mind it being located next to a haunted house.
