Trigger Warning: SCOTUS Isn't Trigger-Happy Enough for Some
By Vixen Vile, Published 2 days ago
In a move that's sure to have gun enthusiasts loading their muskets with sadness, the Supreme Court has left two gun rights cases in the dust like a proverbial tumbleweed in a western standoff gone wrong. These cases, once the high-noon showdown of the Second Amendment, were dismissed quicker than a politician dodging a tough question.
But fear not, dear pew-pew patriots, as the beacon of conservative justice, Clarence Thomas, has promised the gun-toting faithful that the court will soon take aim at the constitutionality of assault weapons bans. One can only imagine the justices, in their robes, playing a high-stakes game of Duck Hunt with the very fabric of American law.
Thomas's assurance, however, might be as comforting as a gun salesman's promise that the AR-15 is just for hunting... those pesky constitutional ambiguities. And while the gun lobby sharpens its pencils, readying for the inevitable legal firefight, the rest of us can sleep soundly knowing that the land of the free might soon be the land of the freely armed to the teeth.
