Trump Single-Handedly Stops Iran-Israel War, Hailed as Peacemaker Extraordinaire
By Vixen Vile, Published 4 hours ago
In the most shocking turn of events since sliced bread was hailed as the pinnacle of human achievement, Donald Trump has declared a ceasefire in what he's dubbed the '12-Day War' between Iran and Israel. Yes, the same Trump who couldn't find his own inauguration crowd has now apparently brokered peace. The White House is buzzing with excitement, or perhaps it's just the staff frantically trying to find where they put the word 'diplomacy' in the dictionary.
The IDF, in a move that reeks of desperation, reported Iranian missile launches as if to say, "Look, we're still in this!" But let's face it, folks, Trump's phone call with Netanyahu was probably something like, "Hey, Bibi, let's wrap this up. I need a win, and you need to stop looking like you're in a never-ending soap opera." Meanwhile, Iran, not wanting to miss out on the drama, launched missiles just to remind everyone they're still here, lurking in the shadows like that one ex who can't move on.
And just when you thought the world couldn't get any more absurd, Trump is hailed as a peacemaker. Never mind that his 'deal' probably involved less actual diplomacy and more of him just tweeting, "I'm the best peacemaker since Jesus. Believe me, I know things." The world spins on, and we're left wondering if we've all been invited to a live, unhinged episode of "The Apprentice: Global Edition."
