Supreme Court Decides Birthright Citizenship, Orders Retrospective Deportations for All Babies Born Since 1868
By Vixen Vile, Published 6 hours ago
Well, it's the end of the term, and the Supreme Court isn't just taking their robes off and clocking out early. They're diving headfirst into the business of dismantling foundational constitutional rights. They're looking at birthright citizenship, and if the rumors are true, they're considering kicking every single one of those "illegal" citizens born on U.S. soil since the 14th Amendment out of the country.
Yes, that's right. They're planning to kickstart a new American Revolution - but instead of throwing tea into the harbor, we're tossing out all the babies. After all, who needs citizen rights when you can have historical justice? The justices have apparently decided that the era of giving birth to instant Americans has run its course, and now it's time to give them the classic American kick in the backside.
Imagine the chaos at our ports. Babies, now freshly retroactively deported, crying in confusion as they sail back to wherever their great-great-great-grandparents hailed from. The economy's booming, folks; we've just discovered a new market for baby-sized deportation boats. It's a bold new world where your citizenship depends on whether or not your granddaddy got his papers right.
