Boulder Burns Brighter with Antisemitic Arsonist's Antics
By Vixen Vile, Published 1 day ago
What a quaint town Boulder has become! It's not just the mountain air that's getting thin, but apparently, so is the tolerance for those pesky Jewish folks. Imagine being on a peaceful walk, chanting about prisoners, when suddenly, you're not just shedding sweat but shedding skin thanks to our local firebug.
The assailant, in an effort to add some zest to the community, decided that burning others was the perfect way to express his views. No need for town hall meetings or petitions when you've got a match and a misguided ideology. And let's give a slow clap for the Boulder Police, who probably thought the smoke was just someone grilling overly zealous vegan burgers.
Now, the Pearl Street Mall, once known for its eclectic shops and performers, might be adding "Antisemitism Arena" to its attractions. Visitors can now experience the thrill of dodging flaming projectiles while they contemplate the deeper meaning behind the phrase "turn the other cheek." But hey, at least the 'walk for peace' ended in a literal blaze of glory, right?
