"Welcome to the Protection Racket Gala: The Empire Strikes Steel!"
By Vixen Vile, Published 2 days ago
Well, buckle up, buttercups, because your humble Uncle Sammy has decided that his taste for protecting the domestic metal industry hasn't been quite sated yet. After a mere 25 percent wasn't enough to rust-proof his ego, he's amped the tariffs to 50 percent-apparently, doubling down on nonsense is the new foreign policy.
Imagine the surprise in foreign capitals. One day, you're sipping your Earl Grey, and the next, your steel exports to the land of the free have effectively become a luxury good. The only thing more inflated than these tariffs is the president's rhetoric on jobs saved-if only he'd add a tariff on his own hot air!
And let's not forget the delightful irony of this plan, shall we? While the rest of us might be tightening our belts, the metals industry will be out there buying yachts, fueled by the sweet, sweet tears of the global market. The only thing they're protecting is their wallets, darlings, and what a lovely, patriotic sight it is.
