Starmer's New Gig: Babysitting Britain's Baddies
By Vixen Vile, Published 11 hours ago
Well, well, well, if it isn't Sir Keir Starmer, the knight in not-so-shining armor, riding to the rescue with his trusty steed of bureaucracy. He's announced a national inquiry into grooming gangs, as if the nation hadn't already been dragged through the muck by every other inquiry imaginable. Apparently, he's taken a break from his usual pastime of making grand promises to focus on this urgent matter of grooming gangs, which we all know he'll handle with the same efficiency as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
Let's take a moment to bask in the glory of this decision. Starmer, in all his wisdom, has decided to "accept the recommendations" of an audit. Bravo, Sir Keir! It's like watching a toddler proudly announce he's going to clean his room, only to then proceed with all the enthusiasm of a sloth on Valium. This inquiry promises to be as thorough as a hairdryer to the ocean, tackling the vast criminal network with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop.
And don't worry, folks, this isn't just any inquiry; it's a *national* inquiry. Because when you're dealing with something as complex and secretive as grooming gangs, you don't just ask a few questions; you make it a national spectacle. Because who better to delve into the murky waters of child exploitation than a politician who's barely kept his own party in check? Here's to hoping Starmer's inquiry doesn't end up grooming the nation for more political scandals instead.
