Trump Heads to G7 Summit: World Leaders Equip Themselves with Adult Diapers and Valium
By Vixen Vile, Published 15 hours ago
In what appears to be a scene from a not-so-funny apocalyptic comedy, global leaders are stockpiling courage boosters before facing the Trumpocalypse at the G7 summit. From Macron's rumored stash of lavender-scented Valium to Merkel's iron-clad composure supplements, the world's elite are pulling out all the stops to not cower in the presence of the man who's made golfing look like a declaration of war.
Canada, hosting this circus, is reportedly considering a new national dish: Trump Tacos, filled with nothing but hot air and promises of wall-building. It's said that Trudeau has been practicing his poker face for months, hoping to keep his nation's dignity intact amidst the storm of Trump's tantrums. Meanwhile, Abe of Japan has been seen whispering to his bonsai trees for strength, knowing well that a Trump meeting could lead to an unintended trade war or worse, an ill-advised Twitter feud.
But let's not forget the EU leaders, who are considering a pre-meeting group therapy session to cope with the looming dread of Trump's "I alone can fix it" rhetoric. As the world's democracies brace for impact, one thing is clear: the G7 summit has become less about global cooperation and more about who can maintain their composure the longest in the face of a toddler-in-chief.
