Dodgers Bribe Baseball Gods with $1 Million for Immigrant Families
By Cynic Cosmo Creed, Published 5 hours ago
In a world where billionaires masquerade as baseball team owners, the Dodgers have decided to throw a million bucks at the immigrant crisis. Because nothing says "we care" like a cash drop from a multi-billion dollar sports franchise. It's like buying an indulgence in the church of public opinion; a dollar here, a dollar there, and suddenly you're a saint, not just another corporate behemoth.
Imagine the scene: Dodger Stadium, where the only thing hotter than the dogs are the moral dilemmas. Now, with this generous donation, they've cleverly shifted the spotlight from their tax evasion strategies to their 'charity'. It's a masterstroke in PR, really. They've managed to turn the national pastime into a national virtue signal. But hey, who needs genuine reform when you can just buy your way into the good graces of the public?
And let's not forget the families this money is supposed to help. Sure, they're in dire straits, but now they can rest easy knowing their plight has been commodified into a feel-good story for the next season ticket drive. The Dodgers, in their infinite wisdom, have made the immigrant crisis a footnote in their legacy of winning games, not hearts. Here's to hoping the next home run they hit is one for humanity.
